Saving Private Ryan
by LOVINGORANGEWALLS
Summary: Chris and everyone else are playing "War" in my backyard. Funny because I played along. Rated M for mild language.


"Hey guys! Whatcha doi-"

"Get down private! There's no time to chit-chat. This a war, soldier. Our enemies can be anywhere. Keep your eyes peeled."

Chris pulled me down to behind the bushes in the backyard.

"What the hell are you talking about Jericho? What war?" I asked confused.

I took a closer look at Chris. He wore a camouflage shirt and pants. His face streaked with face paint, directly on his cheeks. The thing that stood out the most were his big, bulging, bloodshot eyes. In my opinion, he looked like an Indian that tumbled down a mountain, hitting every tree and mud that he could.

"Now's not the time for any questioning. Just take this, it'll help you live longer than nothing on you're bare back. You can thank me later."

Reaching into his belt, he grabbed a dart gun, along with four extra "bullets" to reload my gun.

He then sprinted towards a tree, nearly missing a missile that was supposedly aimed for his head, which landed flat on the cold, hard ground, useless as a brown cylinder after finishing a batch of toilet paper.

"Shit! Fucker's almost got me!" Chris shouted, panting as he finally got behind the tree, and sliding down it, his back against the trunk.

He reached out to his side, pulled out a walkie-talkie, and said into it, "Evil Ronald McDonald, this is Sexy Beast over."

The walkie-talkie screeched and then came a "This is Ronald McDonald. Where is your 20? Over."

"I'm at field position, taking fire." As soon as he said that, another missile that was aimed toward his head whizzed by his shoulder, narrowly missing him by an inch.

"Shit! Evil Ronald McDonald, I need some back-up. I've also got a spare meat that I've managed to save. Over."

"Roger that Sexy beast. I'm sending over Taco Bell. We'll meet at Omaha Beach at Oh' three hundred. Over and out."

Clipping his walkie-talkie back onto his belt, he leaned out and another round of bullets came shooting by.

"Vanessa! Cover me while I get to stronger cover. NOW!"

Shooting blindly at the direction I believed the shooter was at, Chris jumped behind two trash cans, shielding him from potential shots.

"It feels like this is a retarded version of 'Saving Private Ryan'. Someone's bound to be shot. I just hope it's me so I can get out of this mess.." I muttered to myself, shaking my head in dismay.

"DIE YOU BITCH!" Someone shouted as I heard repetitive clicks and loud footsteps coming from the opposite direction.

As if I was Corporal Upham from said movie, I clutched my gun and waited until the person had walked away or had their back facing me, giving me an opportunity to fire.

"THUNDER!" called Jericho from the trash cans.

"FLASH!" shouted the voice.

Raising my head over the bushes, Chavo came into view, hustling over to the tree that Jericho abandoned.

"Taco Bell, you're a sight for sore eyes. Got some ammo on you? I'm runnin' out." Chris asked.

Reaching into his pocket, Chavo took out some ammo for Chris, and tossed me a so-called "sniper".

"That scope mounted on that sniper you got there should help you get more precise precision."

"You guys ready? I want you on my tail. Stay alert. Going to Omaha Beach will not be a day in the park." Chris said.

Putting my pistol into my pocket, Chavo and I followed quickly behind Chris in front of the garage door.

"Shh.. Taco Bell, you got that gum you were chewin' on?"

"Yes sir." Chavo took the gum out of his mouth and gave it to Chris.

'Eww.. What the hell is Chris doing? And when did Chavo start calling Chris, sir?' I thought.

Puzzled eyes were fixed on Chris as he stuck the sticky wad to the tip of the "bayonet" blade and stuck a little mirror into the gum' the mirror was wobbly, Chris's hand wobbling wasn't helping either, he looked at us with a gleam in his eyes saying he had just succeeded in a brilliant idea.

He eased the bayonet out, just far enough so he could see what was beyond ourselves.

Peering over his shoulder, I looked into the mirror and saw that "Omaha Beach", also known as our swimming pool, was secured tightly.

"We got a nest on the bluff, with a pair of Randy's zippers. Plus two more mortars, and an 88 to top it all off." Chris managed to say, gulping at the obstacle before us.

"Maybe we should contact Evil Ronald McDonald for some more men. We can't take them out all on our own. V's sniper could do something, but not too much damage. This is FUBAR trying to capture this place." Chavo said.

"What's fubar?" Chris asked, taking off his helmet and scratching his head for a brief moment.

"It's German," I told him laughing. "Look it up… I swear, you're more like Upham than Miller."

"Vanessa, I think you're confusin' him even more." Chavo continued, "I believe he hasn't seen Saving Private Ryan yet."

"Upham? Miller? Know what, I'm just going to call him now.." Chris muttered, pulling out his radio once again.

"Evil Ronald McDonald, this is Sexy beast over."

No answer.

"I repeat, Evil Ronald McDonald, this is Sexy Beast, over."

Silence again.

"Damnit! Can't you freakin' answer Sheamus? Hello?"

_"Sheamus… is no longer here…"_ said a voice. It sounded a lot gruffer than Sheamus's voice.

"Randy! What the hell did you do with him?" Chavo asked into the radio, recognizing the voice.

"I'm afraid that's top secret.." There was a hint of evil coming from the end of the line.

"Damnit, when we take over this beach, you're next!" Chris yelled into the walkie-talkie and violently threw it on the ground, smashing the device into tiny pieces.

"Now what?" Chavo sighed.

"There's no guarantee we will do this successfully, but I think we could try or best to take this place over." I said, getting up. "I have a plan.."

* * *

"You all at your positions?" I asked via walkie-talkie.

"Roger"

"On my lead, we attack."

A few seconds had gone by when I shouted "NOW!"

All hell broke loose.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Chris threw some firecrackers from the top of a tree, that acted like grenades, at the nest. Ducking for cover, he dropped down from the tree and went into fetal position near the base of the tree.

Immediately, three from Randy's team "blew up" and remained unconscious.

"Score 1 for the boys back home." he whispered.

Chavo, opposite of the direction Chris was, hid inside the house, hiding behind the doorframe.

He then started going all Private Jackson and started to whisper, "Lord, grant me strength-"

Ping. Shot down someone from Randy's troops.

"My goodness and my fortress;"

Pang. Missed the first try but banged his target the second time.

"my high tower,"

Everything went well and according to plan.

"And my deliverer; my shield and He in whom I…"

Cody spotted where Chavo's location was and aimed for his head. He froze..

"Trust-" was all he said before getting hit by a "bullet" and fell, motionless and hollow.

A man shot down.

Seeing this from the top of the roof from my sniper's scope, I aimed at Cody, right at the exact place where he had hit Chavo, and mercilessly pulled the trigger, knocking him over, taking the life out of his body.

Chris relocated from his position and soon went into close combat with Ted.

The two rolled around and wrestled, while I tried to reload the sniper and get a good aim at Ted.

Before I even had a chance to look back into the scope, Ted froze, still as a rock.

Spotting a dart on his back, I put my head away from the sniper and looked around for the person who had "saved" Chris's life.

Towards the front gate, there, Sheamus stood with his rifle rested upon his shoulder, and a grin spread across his face.

Quickly climbing down the ladder from the roof, both of us ran to Sheamus and attacked him with a hug.

"Corporal O'Shaunessy! We thought you were dead meat for sure!" Chris shouted, finally catching up.

"Captain Jericho," he saluted. "Never back down, miracles are bound to happen."

"At ease soldier. I'm just glad that you're alive. EVERYONE! GAME OVER! WE WON!"

Everyone got back up, straightened their shirts, fixed their hair and started cleaning up the mess.

"Well, that was fun." Randy said appearing from inside the house. "Who wants pizza?"

* * *

Chris chewed on a slice of vegetable pizza and closed a big German dictionary.

"What were you doing?" Sheamus asked, pointing at the book in front of Chris.

"I still don't know what Fubar means.." he muttered.

THE END

* * *

Just so you guys know, "FUBAR" is not German at all. It's an acronym that means "Fucked Up Beyond All Repair" to bad Jericho STILL doesn't know that xD

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